Annie Jones and her husband have been happily married for nearly thirteen years. Getting married at a young age, they were set to grow up together. As years floated on, they moved to New York, built their careers and travelled around the world. They have been enjoying a very comfortable existence, and this is down to one simple factor: they don’t have children.

 

“Our happiness stems from being childfree,” she says, “We've had such a great life and marriage being childfree that it's hard to imagine why we'd want to change something that we love so much.”

 

Like many women, Annie is often pressed for time trying to balance relationship and work. “Not having children allows me to focus more on the things that are most important in my life, such as my relationship with my husband, traveling, and my job as a writer. I love all of these things, and have chosen to make them a priority in my life so that I can give it 100 per cent.”

 

Childlessness, either by circumstance or choice, is becoming increasingly common. Latest statistics show that women in their mid-40s are almost twice as likely to be childless as their parents’ generation. According to the Office for National Statistics, one in five women at the age of 45 have never given birth, and the number is expected to rise to a quarter in the UK as it has already done in Italy, Switzerland and Finland.

 

There are various reasons why more and more people choose to go childless. Many women increasingly want to prioritize their careers, while others just don’t like children or are afraid of the responsibility that comes with it. In cases like Annie’s, it simply comes down to enjoying her life as it is.

 

The perpetuation of common myths and stigma about women without children is a problem, which makes the choice burdensome to defend. In addition, baby products are three-billion-dollar industry, and under the influence of consumerism, not being in “the mummy club” adds to the pressure.

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Myth #1.

Being a mother is beautiful.

 

It is widely accepted that being a mother is beautiful. In fact, it isn’t all moonlight and roses. For example, many women start feeling depressed long before the child arrives. Their depression, often with anxiety, worsens under the societal pressure. “I know it’s not socially accepted but I’m really, really not enjoying being pregnant and all the pregnancy propaganda around is making it worse,” a woman wrote anonymously on the Vagenda magazine website.

 

“I have found pregnancy physically and emotionally somewhere between very hard and totally traumatic... I am bombarded by social messages of how good, right and enjoyable it is to be pregnant,” she says, “but unlike the social messages I get, all I feel is vulnerable, needy and terrified.”

 

It’s also common for women to experience “baby blues” following their baby’s birth. According to American Psychological Association, one in seven new mothers experience a serious mood disorder such as postpartum depression, which can impact enormously on the mother's and the child’s physical wellbeing. Research by Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia revealed that without treatment, one third of women experiencing severe postnatal depression are still very unwell one year after the baby and half can continue to experience symptoms two years after diagnosis. In addition, women who have experienced postnatal depression are twice as likely to experience future depression over a five-year period, compared to women who have experienced depression unrelated to childbirth.

 

Furthermore, according to scientist and psychologist Herbert Simon, many mothers find themselves late in life without any sense of identity because it declines as the child grows. It is often referred to as “empty nest syndrome” - debilitating grief and loss of purpose – and the greater a woman’s dependence on the child for fulfilment, the greater her distress.

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The British toy industry is valued at £3.2 billion (The NPD Group, 2016), an increase of £150 million year-on-year. 

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Myth #2.

Being a mother is the most important job in the world.

 

It is generally assumed that a woman either has to be a mother or pursue a career. It is said to be hard if not impossible to balance housekeeping, parenting and nine-to-five working hours all at once. Therefore, for many women, having a child would mean nothing but being trapped at home. And even though being a parent is an experience like no other that many women happily dedicate themselves to, making motherhood the one and only priority is no good, recent research by Gallup has revealed. Figures show that stay-at-home mothers are far more likely to be depressed than working mothers or working women who don’t have kids. In fact, stay-at-home mothers are worse than these two groups by every emotional measure, reporting more anger, sadness, stress and worry.

 

“This is because stay-at-home mothers’ contributions are often ignored if not outright derided,” says Ann Romney, a stay-at-home mother of five, “Caring for kids is hard work, emotionally gruelling, physically exhausting, tedious, isolating, undervalued work.”

 

“One leading reason for increase in childlessness is that women can now earn their own money, and are less required to lead a traditional lifestyle where they must depend on someone else,” says psychologist and relationship specialist Terry Klee, “It’s an opportunity for more authentic choices. Of women who earn over six-figures half do not have children. Some say this is because they cannot do both motherhood and a career. But, there are nannies to address that, so the better explanation is that their sense of capability and lovability in life is satisfied in their adult relationship and vocational skills.” In fact, professional success has been named the major fulfilment factor for modern women by psychologist Adrian Furnham.

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Myth #3.

A child “completes” a woman.

 

“Women who voluntarily choose not to have kids are more independent and authentic in their self-identities,” says Terry Klee, “They realise they don’t need a baby to fulfil themselves.” In fact, most women who do not have children of their own are in helping professions and, throughout history, they have helped society in very profound ways. Oprah Winfrey, famous producer, actress and talk show host, is positively childfree. She is well-known for her philanthropic and political efforts aimed at improving the lives of children.  Another famous childless woman is Gloria Steinem, a leader and an outspoken champion of women’s rights. “Research has also shown that women without children are more fulfilled and more giving than mothers. While mothers turn their attention to their child, ‘other-mothers’ turn their attention to society. Overall, this is because a child does not ‘complete’ a woman,” explains Terry, “Identity comes from within, well beyond the presence or absence of another.”

 

Also, women without children statistically indicate more satisfying intimate partnership. “An intimate partnership is considered the leading factor of happiness, not parenthood,” says the psychologist, “In fact, parenthood doesn’t make the list in any happiness research. Research shows the opposite: couples’ satisfaction declines until that child goes to college. It’s time with children that does contribute to happiness, but this can be satisfied in many meaningful ways.”

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Myth #4.

"But you would be a great mum"

 

Writer Casey Cavanagh is positively childfree, and has been vocal about women’s choice not to have children - and not be shamed for it – for many years.

 

“A lot of people have said, ‘But you would be a great mum’,” says Casey, “And I would get so sick of people telling me that eventually I would change my mind. It's not the having kids in itself that would upset me so much as the assumption that it is automatically something I want just because I'm a woman.”

 

In fact, “The Hite Report” by German sex educator Shere Hite claims that as much as three quarters of all mothers privately regret their choice, and as much as they love their child they dislike their lives.

 

“Whether I do or I don't have children, there's a fifty-fifty chance I will end up with regrets,” says Casey, “I would rather regret the children I didn't have than the ones I did. To be honest, just being around them sometimes makes me uncomfortable.

 

“Bearing children is far from the only way a woman can enjoy her *still very meaningful* life,” she says.

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“I have been married for thirteen years,” says Annie Jones, “and in the beginning, I did feel like I had to defend my choice. That said, I do think that the reaction is changing as women are more involved in the workforce, people are getting married later, and studies are showing that more couples are choosing to remain childfree.

 

“Also, there are people who struggle with infertility; so asking someone if they're going to have children has become less common - it's just plain rude, really.”